and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
