I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
