guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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