honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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