You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
