Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
