Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
