I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
