get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
