I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
soo... how was my night?
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