Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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