Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
