Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
