my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize