I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
