There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
