he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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