You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
A+ Viking dick
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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