Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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