so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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