i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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