My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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