Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
