Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
