my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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