Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
