having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
