Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
