and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
