hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I need a burrito and a hug.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize