Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
