i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
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