It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Will exercising make me less horny?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
