im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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