This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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