I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
