After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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