i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
