Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
