is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
