Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
