Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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