her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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