is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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