Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
