I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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