what if every blade of grass was a penis?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
