Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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