Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
