Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
