Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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