Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
