Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
