you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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