I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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