Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
