Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
