The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
