Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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