I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
