I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
