I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
