I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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