just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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