It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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