I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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