Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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