For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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